Going to Target at Night

I was at Target last night, wondering the endless isles, meandering the abandoned clothing departments...surfing the waves of red when I came to the realization that going to Target late at night is, well rather eerie. Just think of it: hardly any customers in the store, only the occasional employee with a cart stocking shelves, and the automatic lights in the freezers that flicker on as you pass, beckoning you forth whispering, "Come to us, come. No one will see you get that Ben and Jerry's...or see us grab you and disappear into the night..." See? It's really the automatic lights that always get me. Not that I frequent the ice cream isles at Target often but I can occasionally be known to end up there when I walk and ponder simultaneously. Like last night when I actually was buying ice cream to self medicate a very sore throat.

I was walking past the eggs and the yogurt and then past the break and bake cookies and up to the ice cream isle. All the frosted doors were slate gray and darkened. Taking a step forward lights on both sides of me suddenly flickered on displaying their goodies for unsuspecting sweet tooths. Ignoring this, I took a few more steps and found the cold isle filling with light on either side, flickering on one frosted freezer door at a time down the long corridor of treats until the very last two doors sketchily lit up. I could almost hear the sound of a metal CLANG each time a pair of doors lit up. Weeeell, it wasn't exactly like that per say. The doors didn't extend that tremendously far down I suppose, but this happened to at least a couple doors in front of me, the lights are actually motion activated so as I walk down the isle in a couple sentences they will ominously flicker on as aforementioned.

I didn't see anything I wanted in the first freezer case and they were all organic name brands so way out of my ice cream budget anyway. I started down a few more feet to check out what the next case held. Lights blinked on again, offering me the frozen treats displayed in a dirty highlighter sort of light. Nothing I wanted here either, I moved on. Blink, blink, more light and more ice creams. This time closer to something I would buy but still about a dollar too much. Ah ha, through the glass of the case I was looking into I saw next to it a reasonably priced and appealing flavoured carton of Light French Silk ice cream. But the freezer wasn't yet lit. Could I reach through the adjacent freezer and try to wriggle a carton out from there or would I have to advance forward and activate another set of stalker lights for my prize? Opening the door in front of me I reached around the last row of Kemps towards the Market Pantry Light French Silk, it was so close I could feel the coldness rippling off the lid. Leaning into the case the tips of my fingers brushed the freezer burned edges of the cardboard carton but not able to grasp it. Straining to get a grip on the lid a mechanical groan sounded from deep within the case. I jumped back out into the isle, startled. Perhaps it was safer just to activate the lights after all. It's better to be outside the freezer and be creeped out than inside the freezer and kidnapped by mutant ice cream.

Shutting the door of the first case I shoved my hands into my coat pockets for a mini warming session, they had to be ready and alert for what was going to happen next. It would be a lightning fast mission with great rewards but also with great risks.

As soon as I could feel my whole hand again I bent my knees and sprang the last two feet into the line of the motion detectors with triple axel like power. In an instant the lights were on and I had the door open, hand posed to grab the first Light French Silk I saw. But wait, what's this? The first carton's safety seal had been broken. NO! this wasn't in the plan! My mind raced as I devised a devious plan: use my free hand to side swipe the possibly contaminated ice cream and grab the second carton behind it. If there's one thing I have learned in life it is to not grab the first of anything 'cause how many people's grimy little hands have touched it? No, instead go for the one behind it. My hip now held open the freezer door as my free hand swung around from left field hitting the side of the frame on its way into battle. In a second the first carton was cleared and the second carton was within an inch of my frozen hand. Contact was made. Success! I sprang backwards back into the eerie light letting the freezer door slam shut and suction itself completely closed. For a second all my brain could do was focus of how excited I was to have accomplished such a risky feat, but then I thought for another couple seconds and realized that somewhere in that act of bravery three Target employees had come over to the frozen treats isle to stock items and, by the looks on their faces, had mostly likely seen the whole thing. Awkward. But I guess that's the price you pay. I looked down at my carton of ice cream, "My precious!" I thought, and walked down the rest of the ice cream isle letting the lights flicker on as I passed.

Author's note: Some facts have been changed for dramatic detail.

Thanks for reading!