I'd like a cup of cheeze, please. Cheddar if you have it.

So here comes the blog that inevitably talks about Life with a capital 'L' and about what I've learned so far and how I'm doing with my choices. Basically a huge bucket of "OMG, that is soooo cheesy" is about to happen. Thus the title. In case you were wondering.

...Well you could have been.

Up until starting college, I really never had any friends-YES, I had friends, there's more to the sentence, keep reading-that went to the same school as me and the same church. Or the same church and who skated with me. Or any other combination of school, skating and church. I was pretty tucked away by my lonesome. But going to college I found a fantastic group of friends, both handsome guys and lovely ladies, who are by my side in everything. We go to school together and some of us go to church together. I don't skate anymore so that part is out of the equation. But I have found that for the most part I am able to stay acquainted at the least with some skating friends, even though we no longer skate together-or at all. 

In going to college at a private Christian university, I am able to strengthen my faith as well as learn life lessons on and off campus through a variety of mediums: classes, church, relationships with people, or on my own. I am aware that being a private university I am, to an extent in what the students like to call "the bubble". Meaning everything is well and good on campus and in classes and with your friends, but due to the nature of the type of school, there is a kind of separation from the "real world" that we experience. It's not always a huge difference, but we are aware of it. But I think, to someone who is spiritually healthy and trusts God, it doesn't matter where you are, you will have strife and you will have peace.

In the last two years of school, I have really come to see what it means to live a Christian life, both on campus and off. Which in reality, should not be any different. The most important life lesson that God has taught me and continues to teach me is that I can trust in Him and Him alone for my needs. When I am down and out, no money, struggling with a relationship with a friend at the time, or just feel like crap, He is always there to talk to and to trust. And even though I might want to talk to friends or family or rely "luck" to get me through the next week of final exams, those things and people cannot in any way measure up to God's faithfulness and steadfast love for me. I have been taught this lesson many times in the last two years. First when I was deciding when and how to stop skating. I did NOT want to do it, but I couldn't see any way TO continue in the sport financially or emotionally. So I passed my last two Gold tests, competed my last competition at the collegiate level, and sat back and anxiously waited for God to show me what to do next. I had no freakin' clue what was going to happen or what I was going to fall back on once skating was done. Skating was my life and who I was, I didn't know what type of person I would become without the daily trips to the rink and sore muscle and the same four minute music playing day after day. Who was I to become without this activity? Well, apparently God knew what He was doing-ha, of course he did. He got me deeply involved with music and playing in the university orchestra as a cellist. He gave me a wonderful Christ-oriented conductor who is passionate about what she does and knows that even though the playing of the music is in itself a performance, it is firstly a way to glorify God and all that he has done and given to us, in beauty, trouble, angst, passion, love, and of course, melodies. God also gave me a wonderful dorm to live in and some swell RAs and an RD and his wife to hang out with. Yes, I just used "swell". Deal with it, I'm takin' it back old-school yo. Okay, I'm done with old-school. Moving on.

Then recently at the end of spring term, I was incredibly down and out with money. I mean, a maximum of $7 to my name at any given point and I had to pay for last minute books so I could study for finals, I had to pay for my cell phone, and other small things that very quickly added up to more than I had. I ended up where I had about a week left and I really needed to pay for some stuff. I couldn't sleep and I was hurrying to finish papers as well as stressing MAJORLY about the money issue. A couple nights that week, I literally just broke down and cried out of frustration and fear and asked God to come save me, to come rescue me from myself and somehow provide some money for the next couple of weeks. I even asked my RA, my brilliant RA Chris, to pray for me and keep me in his thoughts. He could really tell I was stressing and kept inquiring about the state of my consciousness and social compatibility level with others that last week of school. I'm pretty sure he was one of the people who kept me sane that week. Then, out of no where I get two checks in my PO. One comes with an email saying that I was the "social leader" for the orchestra and that it is a paid position. I'm thinking, "What? I've been a social leader for a semester and not known it? Wait. I've been employed for a semester or more and not known it? SA-WEET!" Thank you God! I guess my conductor thought it was worth her while to pay me for getting her on Facebook and setting up groups and events for concerts and making fan videos of all the stuff our ensemble did that year. So, out of nowhere I had about a hundred bucks. I also got a check from another small job I had on campus or something, I can't exactly remember, but it helped tremendously. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to keep much of that money, but I didn't need it to keep, I needed it for bills that had to get paid. God provided for me in a great way.

Now, I'm learning to look to Him first when I get in trouble or feel alone or confused. Three major things are on my mind currently: again money for studying abroad in three weeks, losing weight, and boys. Specifically a boy. I desperately needs funds for the fall. I was not able to find a job this summer due to the current economy and the fact that I'm leaving mid-August. I have NO CLUE where I'm going to come up with spending money for the trip and I'm actually really scared about that. I've been praying a lot, but I'm not seeing any opportunities yet. I am also stressing about my weight. Mostly because my mother incessantly nags me about getting medical tests done to check why I've gained weight in the last two years. Well, three things that most likely caused that: I'm an emotional eater and she stresses me like no other, I've stopped skating, thus I don't burn upwards of 800 calories a day, and I'm in college. Again that adds stress. I'm working on it, that's all I can say. And finally that boy. There's always one isn't there? I've recently become aware that I'd like to be loved. I want to captivate someone. No really, I am without a doubt loved by my family and my girlfriends, but I feel that I could handle some attention from the opposite sex. The only thing is that I don't know if he's at all interested, plus I'm not sure if he likes this other girl I know or not. That, of course, provides it's own problems and I'd be really sad if he was already taken. PLUS, I'm going away for almost four months so I wouldn't see him and he wouldn't see me. And you know what they say, "Location, location, location." *ARGH!*

So, that is what I've learned and experience and what is on my mind and heart up until now. One last thing. Above all I have learned that love can conquer all. Not in a cheesy movie type, well maybe, and definitely not in a hippie "make love not war" way, but in a real, honest, pure way. Love is all that we can give on this earth. It is so much more infinitely powerful than any other emotion or action; especially more powerful than hate. Love one another despite what they do or don't do. You don't have to agree with their choices, but love them no matter what and leave the rest in God's hands. He'll know what to do.

I leave you with two verses than mean a lot to me and that have been very active in my life lately:

Matthew 6:25-34

²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

 ²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

 

And Psalm 150

¹ Praise the LORD. 

      Praise God in his sanctuary; 

      praise him in his mighty heavens.

 ² Praise him for his acts of power; 
       praise him for his surpassing greatness.

 ³ Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet, 
       praise him with the harp and lyre,

 ⁴ praise him with tambourine and dancing, 
       praise him with the strings and flute,

 ⁵ praise him with the clash of cymbals, 
       praise him with resounding cymbals.

 ⁶ Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. 
       Praise the LORD.

Thanks for reading!

Inspi(RED) to Write

So here I am, sitting at Caribou, free drink in hand (thanks Facebook apps!) and thinking about how much I really love my life right now. Even though I have no job, no money, and I'm living at home, I have great friends, some great family, (*cough*, jk I love you all) and great caffeine. 

I have recently started a diary of my own. My friend Jess and I decided we were going to keep a diary of random things and read parts to each other for accountability. Not that we're exactly struggling with anything, just as a way to help each other live a more healthy life, mind, body and spiritually. Getting a diary has always been a struggle for me because I need to find the perfect little book to spill my guts to and keep me motivated to keep writing in it. I search for a diary like a look for school supplies. My one major rule is NO RED. Don't get me wrong, I love the color red. It's just that as the years have gone by I've seen so much red on my school work and had red be associated with a negative bank account that I really don't want to see it more in my free time, or in the case of school work-before I even turn in an assignment. It just doesn't settle right. I go for more of a plain black or brown with minimal decoration on it, usually an inlet or engraving of some kind in the leather. Surely nothing shiny or overly sweet, that is for what's inside the diary, what I write. Also, there can be NO LINES. I want room to draw, the freedom to express myself without words and to draw little designs of nothing in particular whilst I'm supposed to be paying attention to a lecture. 

So, you can imagine my surprise when I ended up loving the little diary Jess gave me: a "pocket sized" RED faux-suede diary with a medium sized rhinestone heart on the top middle front of it, complete with LINED pages. And I love it! I have successfully written in it four consecutive days now, skipped the fifth and today is the sixth. I'm doing it and not forgetting-Huzzah! I like this little book of mine because as much as I thought I was resisting these attributes of my diary, they fully somehow describe me. I've always had this secret flair for something bright and to have this eye-catching spark about me (which I explain in the red). As for the rhinestoned heart...come on, I used to figure skate. I'm biologically designed to love a lil' sparkle here and there. And the lines? Well as much as I hate to admit it, sometimes I really need order to motivate me and to keep my schedule and priorities in line. I'd love to say I'm a completely free spirit and can do things on my own time and will, which I can most of the time, but sometimes I just need that extra push for organization to get me to do what I'm supposed to in a timely manner. So now that you all know about the design of my diary, I shall tell you what's in it! 

(Just KIDDING, like I'd ever do that.)

So on page 5, there is this great description of this one guy I like...

Thanks for reading!